Saturday, February 14, 2009


I had took a step back from secretly running the GOW. I am wondering if I should get back to full time secret running or not since the latest wrinkle.....

Read here,

Lontahv and TG?! Running for the same position!? That's like trying to decide to use zero calorie or no fat cottage cheese. Either way your gonna get nothing much.

But surprisingly, I endorse BOTH candidates! They both will make honest attempts to help the GOW grow, and both of them will be slapped in the nose by those who truly feel they run the show. Trust me, I have felt the sting from such a chiding.

Now hold on......

I know what your thinking, "NOOOO, the almighty secret leader of the GOW could never ever allow someone to CHIDE him!!"

Well it happened. I was blindsided by someone (who will remain nameless), who decided they wanted to run the GOW secretly. Even now I am in secret battles with this individual.

Now that I have put my endorsement behind the new candidates, I am sure he will try to destroy them. So it should be interesting to see how he goes about this.

I'm thinking poisoning other's minds around the candidates will be his first move. One person calling someone not fit for a job is a kook, but if you manage to get a few people to agree with your prattle, then it's practically Gods word right? Awesome.

So in ending, I believe I will do what I have always done in the background of the GOW and watch the fireworks. Now where did I put those cheese puffs?

Saturday, January 17, 2009

The GOGU supports the GOLF

Last night I went to a party, and took one for the GOLF (Guild Of Loud Farters) team. I shared two roasted bulbs of garlic, and had a pizza with a lot o garlic on it.

GOLF, the overlord supports you.

Sunday, January 4, 2009


Now that i have had time to get over the excitement of being promoted, i think I am calm enough to give some of my "words of wisdom" that have helped me achieve the highest in honors, and made me a lot of cash too.

First things first. Never weare clean underwear. I even prestain mine. Sounds disgusting right, well YOUR WRONG. If you get into a terrible accident, is anyone gonna remember the guy who's undies were perfectly normal? Nope, gonna bag him up and move on to the next victim.

When I get murdered, I hope it is right after the day I eat nothing but chili and black coffee. I want the body bag crew to call a code red. I want them to actually start wondering who I am and why I would do such a horrible thing to my own body. Some may call me an attention whore, and I say, your only half right!

So that covers after your stabbed to death by that gang of hoodlums, but what about day to day. It's gonna be months before they get to you. Well no fear, we are only begining here.

Next up, eat loudly. As loud and as annoyingly as possible. Chew with your mouth open and talk constantly. Scrape the bottom of your dishes with your silverware, and go ahead and lick every surface placed in front of you. Even the table cloth if you think you could get away with it.

Learn to snore. And take naps all over the place after you do. On buses, on trains, on park benches at all times of the day and night (I have been doing this a lot since my wife kicked me out of the house).

Take the blame for anything that you are accused of. Even if you innocent. Suggest punishments and apologize profusely. Follow whoever you slighted and crawl around on your knees begging for forgiveness. That person will remember you forever, and lets face it, they will have oodles of respect for you too.

Get fat. Combined with eat loudly, you nearly reach the status of a demigod. Who doesn't like fat people? They are the ultimate ego boosters. Just with a glance people will know what your all about and that is FOOD. Play it up right, and they will encourage you to eat more, thus making them your slaves.

Well that's all the time I got right now. Expect more in another post on the rise to power and glory.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Double Promotion!

I have taken it upon myself to add BAD as my underling to the Guild Of Guilds. BAD, your crown and staff are in the basement...

It has begun!!!

With my new promotion to Super head honcho of the GOW, I have now become a full and honored member of the GOGu.

It is an honor yes, but also a duty. No, not in your pants.

This duty is to make sure everone understands who is in charge around here. Simple answer: I am.

Yes yes, I know, you all are asking yourselves, is this guy saying he is above the Overlord?! Is he crazy!? She shoots lazers out of her eyes! I've seen it!

No no no. I am not "above" the Ovelord. I am more of on her right side. Where I belong. Sure we can try to compare and contrast our powers, but we both know we would be pretty closely matched. I won't say who would be the ultimate winner in the fight, but lets just say that there would be little left of the Earth after it, and if there is anything we hate more than veloure track suits, it's the lack of subjects to grovel before us.

So we won't be sparing off as long as there are plenty of slaves and servants to subjugate.

So anyway, I want to thank the Overlord in her infinite wisdom to join our forces. Together we will rule the world, and any other place we find in space.


As one who has read the latest mess on the blogs regarding a chat room incident in the GOW, I have taken it upon myself to promote BAD from GOW underling to absolute overlord of the GOW. Since everyone already believes that he is supreme ruler then he might as well go along with it. BAD, you have my blessings.

Hoikas on the other hand is only a sidekick due to the fact that he will kick you if he feels you deserve it... So he shall still remain Tsar.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

GOC announcement

As Guild Master of The Guild of Comedy, I am very pleased to announce that we are looking forward to continuing our comedic role in the new open source URU.

This decision came about this evening, when I had the Guild of Guilds with me for dinner tonight. I think the smoked Salmon Fettucini I created, was a very wise choice to make. It linked me into a new Guild Bracket Wink Our conversation was very productive, and hopeful.!

The fact that I allowed her to have life, was enough for her to allow me a prime spot in URU. She knew, she owed me one.

Lucky for her, that was the right answer! So, she shall be fed again tomorrow Twisted Evil

I have a vision of a new AGE!
An age that has a theatrical and entertaining purpose for ALL performers.

This is a new beginning for us all, and I am eager to share this new step with the entire URU community.

As the GM of the GOGU, I hereby proclaim the GOC as an official guild.