Philosophy

Now that i have had time to get over the excitement of being promoted, i think I am calm enough to give some of my "words of wisdom" that have helped me achieve the highest in honors, and made me a lot of cash too.

First things first. Never weare clean underwear. I even prestain mine. Sounds disgusting right, well YOUR WRONG. If you get into a terrible accident, is anyone gonna remember the guy who's undies were perfectly normal? Nope, gonna bag him up and move on to the next victim.

When I get murdered, I hope it is right after the day I eat nothing but chili and black coffee. I want the body bag crew to call a code red. I want them to actually start wondering who I am and why I would do such a horrible thing to my own body. Some may call me an attention whore, and I say, your only half right!

So that covers after your stabbed to death by that gang of hoodlums, but what about day to day. It's gonna be months before they get to you. Well no fear, we are only begining here.

Next up, eat loudly. As loud and as annoyingly as possible. Chew with your mouth open and talk constantly. Scrape the bottom of your dishes with your silverware, and go ahead and lick every surface placed in front of you. Even the table cloth if you think you could get away with it.

Learn to snore. And take naps all over the place after you do. On buses, on trains, on park benches at all times of the day and night (I have been doing this a lot since my wife kicked me out of the house).

Take the blame for anything that you are accused of. Even if you innocent. Suggest punishments and apologize profusely. Follow whoever you slighted and crawl around on your knees begging for forgiveness. That person will remember you forever, and lets face it, they will have oodles of respect for you too.

Get fat. Combined with eat loudly, you nearly reach the status of a demigod. Who doesn't like fat people? They are the ultimate ego boosters. Just with a glance people will know what your all about and that is FOOD. Play it up right, and they will encourage you to eat more, thus making them your slaves.

Well that's all the time I got right now. Expect more in another post on the rise to power and glory.